Mother/Daughter Relationships...

This is something I've tried to post about several times, but just couldn't bring myself to let the world know.  For every little girl, having a relationship with her mother can mean the world to her.  Mothers are there for support, a shoulder to cry on when the world is mean, a best friend, someone to confide in, someone to shop with, someone to do all the girly things with, and so on.  And for some really lucky little girls, that type of relationship can last a lifetime.

The relationship with my mother...well, it was nothing like that.  Those are actually things I've always dreamed of having with my mother.   With my mother, it was always a LOVE/HATE relationship.  I tried to love her and I really wanted to love her, but I deeply hated her.  Before I get to into this, let me give you a little prelude into what kind of person my mother was.  From everything that I've been told by my family growing up, she was a 'wanderer'.  From the time she could walk, she was always pretty much in trouble.  And it only got worse when my aunt was born (she was the baby until then for about 7 or 8 years).  When she was 16 or 17, my grandparents got a call from the state police in Washington state letting them know that they had my mother (don't know the details surrounding that) and asked them to send bus fair to get her back home.  When she got back home, my grandparents let into her.  It wasn't long after that, she was off doing her own thing again.  She was always into some kind of trouble.  

From the time that I was born, I was just another mouth to feed.  I was the 3rd child of 5 to Cheryl Ann (my mother). 

1. The first born she had when she was about 14 or 15.  I don't know him, because she gave him up for adoption a couple months after he was born.  I don't know anything about him.  I just know he exists.
2. The second born was my brother "M" and he is 14 months older than me. Cheryl Ann was 20 when she had "M".
3. The third born was me.  My brother "M" and I have the same father (I'll discuss him in a minute).
4. The fourth born was my sister "L".  She is 4 years younger than me.
5. The fifth born was my sister "H".  She is 8 years younger than me.  "L" and "H" have the same father (my stepfather).

I don't really know what my earliest memory was.  I know that when I was just a couple months old, Cheryl Ann brought me and my brother to my grandparents house.  When my grandfather looked at me and discovered that as a 2 month old, I had a black eye, he was furious with Cheryl Ann!!  She never said exactly how I got it, but my grandfather knew.  My biological father, "W", was an evil man (he and Cheryl Ann were never married).  He had a mean streak in him at least 100 miles long.  But Cheryl Ann was drawn to that 'bad boy' type.  She would go back to him several times throughout my young life.

I don't remember, but I do know that when I was about 2 years old, Cheryl Ann married my stepfather "J". For being a stepfather, my memories of him were 'okay' while I was growing up (he and Cheryl Ann were married for 17 years).   He pretty much was the liaison between me and Cheryl Ann my entire years growing up.  Although, through most of the fights between me and Cheryl Ann, he always took her side.  And I know now that was to keep the peace between the 2 of them whether he agreed with her or not.  And every time he took her side, the more angry and upset I got.  I began to really resent him for that.  And I absolutely hated my mother!!!  I hated her with everything ounce of being I had in me.  I hated her to my core!!!  I can't count the number of times I got beat with a belt, switch (that I would have to pick myself) or whatever was within arm's reach.  And I'm not talking about some little swat to the rear.  I'm talking about a beating.  Whelps, bruises, cuts!!  Those kind of beatings.  And it didn't matter if my hands were in the way or not.  When she had it in her mind to tear my backside up, she was going to do it no matter!! 

Until I was in junior/high school, we moved several times.  We lived in MS, TN, TX (those are the states I remember).  When me and my brother "M" were about 5 and 6 years old (my sister "L" was about a year old), we were living in TX in some piece of crap trailer.  My mother decided she would much rather be a topless dancer than a mother.  My stepfather was the one taking care of us.  I can remember my stepfather packing everything we owned and could take with us into the back of his Tiffany blue, rusted out, barely working 'work van' to move us back to Memphis.  On the way out of town in TX, we made a stop by the club where Cheryl Ann was a topless dancer.  "J" went in to get her to tell her that she could come with us or stay.  She came out with pants on and holding a rag over her chest.  We were sitting in the van and we could see "J" and Cheryl Ann arguing with each other and were about 15 feet from the van.  We heard "J" tell her to at least say goodbye to us kids.  She stood right where she was and just waived to us, turned around and walked back into the club.  All 3 of us kids were screaming and crying for her.  From there "J" got in the van and tried to calm us kids down.  We made the long drive from TX to Memphis.  My sister "L" slept on the makeshift bed "J" had set up on top of the dresser that was pushed up right behind the only 2 seats in the van.  "M" slept in the passenger seat and I slept in the floorboard on the passenger side.  I cried most of the way back to Memphis.  I couldn't believe Cheryl Ann didn't care about her kids.  I couldn't believe she chose the club over her family. 

Over the years, and as memories come back to me, I have discovered that Cheryl Ann put me and "M" in foster care at the very least 4 to 5 times.  And to be honest, we never knew if she would ever come back for us.  We always felt as though she just threw us in foster care the same way she threw trash out.  When we were really a bother and she had no place else to drop us off at, we would end up in the juvenile hall/foster care system.  Ultimately, when I was 10 and "M" was 11, she threw "M" into foster care for good.  She said it was because she and "J" just couldn't handle him any longer and that he was better off in foster care.  But I don't think that was the real reason.  I do know that when she did that, it was like she took my heart and completely shredded it.  "M" and I were always so close!!!  We went through so much together.  We were each others' strength.  We always leaned on each other!  After that, I pretty much lost touch with "M" for about 17 some odd years (I'll discuss more on that in a later post). 

From that moment on, the hate I had for Cheryl Ann was like non-other!!  I just couldn't believe she took my brother away from me.  In retrospect, I think she was jealous of our relationship.  I can't say for sure, but that is what I believe.  I never had a close relationship with either of my sisters.  I just didn't feel that connection with them no matter how hard I tried.  Besides the fact that I got in trouble for every little thing that they did.  I was the one that got blamed.  I was always grounded, I was always in trouble, I was always the bad child. 

And only a year after "M" was thrown into foster care, Cheryl Ann would have me make a decision that no child my age should have to make.  Cheryl Ann was out doing "her thing" as usual leaving "J" to take care of us kids.  Come to find out, Cheryl Ann was having an affair on "J" with my biological father, of all people.  And as I grew older, I became aware of just how often she would meet up with him when he was in town (as he was a truck driver).  Anyway, after throwing "J" out of the trailer we lived in (out in the middle of absolutely nowhere), she brought "W" in and expected us kids to take to him like it was nothing.  He was an evil man and he reeked of evil.  After a few weeks of us kids always crying and living in pure misery, Cheryl Ann told me to make the decision of whether I wanted "W" to stay and be a dad to us kids, or "J" to come back.  The choice was obvious.  I chose "J".  By that afternoon, "W" was gone and "J" was back at home.  Although, my mother was never really around and we all knew what she was doing...err, rather, who she was doing. 

Eventually, Cheryl Ann become a truck driver as well, and I think that was mostly so that she could keep in touch with "W".  A few months after Cheryl Ann took to driving a truck, "J" decided to join her as a "team".  For any normal person, the first question that should be raised is: where are the kids?  Well, funny you should ask.  They left us to live with a complete and total stranger. This person, her husband and child agreed to take us into their home and care for us....at a price, of course.  I have no clue how they found this person or if they even knew her before hand.  All I know is one day we are at home and the next day, we are thrown into this stranger's home.  We were there for about a year until after many, many crying phone calls from the kids and bitching phone calls from the lady we were staying with, did they decide to come get us and move into a house in North MS.  I knew it made them unhappy that they had to come get us!!  I could feel it in my heart!!  But that didn't stop Cheryl Ann from being a truck driver.  She kept doing the OTR driving and "J" did local trucker jobs.  Over the next few years, Cheryl Ann would quit her job and stay home for months at a time and then go back on the road quite a few times.  And the whole time she was home, she made sure my life was absolute HELL!!!  And I mean that!!! 

I do remember telling my mother when I was about 16 years old, after she had been home for months and causing nine kinds of hell, 'to take her fat, lazy ass back out on the road because not a damn person wanted her in the house anymore'.  That ticked off "J", but by that evening, she was gone again.  And life at home was somewhat peaceful!  About 3 years later, I moved out of my parent's house and I had never been so happy.  About that same time, she and "J" had filed for divorce.  "J" remarried literally within just a couple months of being divorced to a woman that was the devil reincarnated.  Cheryl Ann would "hook up" with a guy named "E" that she met while driving a truck.  About 6 years later, when I was 26, my youngest sister, "H", had called me out of the blue advising that Cheryl Ann wanted me to let "H" live with me.  I told her that I would not do that because "H" was an irresponsible person and I knew she wouldn't listen to a thing I advise (b/c I tried this once already).  Well, it wasn't long after that phone call that I heard my phone ring again and I had this gut feeling as to who it was.  I hadn't spoke to Cheryl Ann in several months and she decides to call me up then.  When I picked up the phone, her first words were: Do you know who this is?  I played dumb and said no.  She then said: it's the person that gave birth to you.  I told her: That's the only thing you ever did for me.  Then she let into me, cussing me and telling me that I needed to take "H" in and that I had no right to tell her that I couldn't when she knew that I could.  I stopped her right there and said: I am 26 years old (it was 2002).  I do not live under your roof, I am an adult and I make my own decisions about me and my life.  I no longer have to do what you want me to do.  You need to bring your fat ass back to Memphis and be the mother you should be.  You need to be the mother you never were!!  And if you don't like what I have to say, you can kiss my white ass!!.  Needless to say, she hung up on me.  We never spoke again. 

Cheryl Ann died January 2, 2008.  My daughter was 18 months old at the time and she never laid eyes on her.  In fact, when Cheryl Ann died, for several days I literally thought it was a joke.  "L" called me all upset saying that she got a call from "E" saying that she had died that morning in Miami.  These are the exact words I told "L":  that bitch will never die b/c she will be around to haunt the hell out of me until the day I die!!  A couple days later, "L" called me again to explain what had happened (as it was told to her by "E").  To make a long story short, Cheryl Ann died of a blood clot.  It broke loose from her leg and went straight to her heart.  And the last words out of her mouth was "I love you" to "E".  When I heard that, I knew she really didn't give a rat's you know what about her kids.  She could have said "tell my kids I'm so sorry for everything and that I really do love them", but no.  We didn't matter.  I would say that I was shocked by that, but to be honest, I wasn't.  Actually, I would be lying if I said that I hadn't expected her to say that.  She didn't care for her kids and this just proved it.  About a week later at her funeral (and I only went b/c it meant a lot to my grandmother), as I sit in one of the back pews at the funeral home and halfway listen to the speech given by "L's" godfather, I begin to rack my brain for any good memories of her.  And for all of the thoughts I had that night, none of them were of good times.  Not a single one.  And I realized that was really, really sad. 

I know this is a dreadful post to many, but for those that knew me growing up, now have a better understanding of what I went through as a child.  This isn't everything that happened, but to write that, it would probably be a book...and one that no publishing company would ever want to pick up. 

So, I say, if you are one of the lucky ones to have a fantastic mother, be thankful...be so very thankful!!  I am a mother now and I cannot imagine ever being like that to my daughter.  It literally breaks my heart and brings tears to my eyes to even think of ever seeing a look from my daughter like the ones I gave my mother.  Because for years, I did the 'what if'.  What if she spent a little more time with me?  What if she actually wanted to be a mother?  What if she really cared for me?  What if I had just been a better daughter?  What if I tried to love her more?  Would things have turned out differently??  I now know that nothing...and no one was going to change her.  And even though I get frustrated with my daughter at times, she is my world and I still love her to my core.  I WOULD DIE FOR HER!!!  I don't ever want my daughter to resent me, to hate me, to not want to be a part of my life.  I tell her everyday that I love her and I mean it with everything that I am!! 

God bless!!!

I mean...it is just my dog??

As quite a few of my friends know, I, like probably 80% of the world, has a pet.  My pet of choice is a short-haired chihuahua.  He is black and tan with touches of white here and there.  He was born March 17, 2001, which will make him 11 years old next month.  How do I remember that??  I haven't a clue, but for some reason it stuck in my head along with the information that his great grandfather was a "grand champion".  Not sure exactly what that means, but I guess he comes from a good blood line. 

Anyhoo...this chihuahua that I named Baxter, has had the good life.  He's been spoiled since the day that I got him at 8 weeks old.  He's an inside dog (always has been), but he is house trained (well, except for that incident last night - UGH!). 

I mean...can we say spoiled??

So, Monday night as I'm sitting in bed watching my nightly episode of Friends, I hear this strange noise.  I muted the TV and figured out the noise was "snoring".  At first, I thought it was my daughter but the closer I listened, I came to realize that it was my dog.  He was in the living room, in his bed and under the towel in his bed snoring as loudly as a grown man.  All that noise coming from this little dog that weighs at the most, a whopping 8 pounds.  I don't know if it has anything to do with age, but it seems that the older he gets, the more he snores.  I think I'll give the vet a ring tomorrow and find out if I should be concerned.  

Come to think of it, I need to ask the vet a few more questions:

1.  His snoring, of course.

2.  His BREATH!!!  It will literally knock you over!  I've had his teeth cleaned several times and it seems like 2 days after I get them cleaned, the horrible breath is back (perfectly good waste of $$$).

3.  The amount of times he is having to go "potty"...particularly #2 (gross, I know, but hey, it's a concern).  My bf says if I feed him better food, he wouldn't have to go so much and it would help with his breath.  I feed him Beneful and he really likes it.  I have changed his food before to the expensive kind and he picks at it.  Plus, it hasn't helped with his breath at all!!

So, I'll be ringing up the vet's office tomorrow to lay some questions on 'em.  I'm sure they've been asked weirder questions...

 

It's a Valentine's kind of day...

Now, I'm usually not one to celebrate Valentine's Day.  I've always thought "What's was the point?".  Especially for those not in love... 

I mean, since having my daughter, I've always gotten her a little something.  Sometimes going overboard...for such a small holiday.  This year, I kept it pretty small.  

It looks like I spent a lot, but I totally didn't.  I got the books on sale at Books-a-Million for $2 each!!  Found the bears on sale for $2 each.  Got the SweetTart candy for like $3, bag of frosted animal cookies for $1 and who can go without the little chocolate/peanut butter eggs (yes, I realize it's not Easter yet, but who cares).  And she got a new pair of earrings. 

This year I decided I would try to get a Valentine's pic of her.  Notice how I said "try".  Something about getting my child to put a smile on her face when I do a photo shoot of her is like pulling teeth.  I always get this "forced" smile, which makes the shot look terrible, so I resort to "just don't smile at all".  I know, I know...but at least it's better than the fake smile she normally gives.  So, here is my attempt at a Valentine's pic.  Please forgive as it's not my best.  I took it in my home and the lighting is terrible and for some reason I couldn't even fix it thru Photoshop. 

And here is a pic of the "set up" I used.  I just love the old items I have.  The door looking thing is actually the door to a 1930's pie cabinet.  It's a mirror that was painted over at some point and has done some aging over the years.  I'm not sure how old the flower pot is, but I just loved the colors of it.  And the chest is probably from the 1940's.  It doesn't look heavy at all, but it's actually got a little weight behind it.  That was the day when people actually took time and made things very well.  

Anyhoo...back to my point on Valentine's Day.  Because in years past, I haven't really had a significant other to celebrate the day with, I haven't much cared for the day.  And even though I do have a bf now, I still don't get the true significance of the day.  People spend an outrageous amount of money on a dozen red roses that tomorrow will only cost about $14.99.  They go buy these cheesy heart-shaped boxes filled with chocolate candies (ok, I have to admit that I bought the bf one of those, but it was small) and make an attempt to get some "heart-felt" card (...and the card to the bf was funny) that professes the love they have for the wife, girlfriend, bestie, or whoever. And then taking her out to that "fight the horrible traffic, wait in line for 2 hours, eat at the very fancy restaurant" dinner.   

 

I mean, what girl wouldn't like this kind of thing, right?  Beautiful flowers, chocolate and fancy dinner!!  Only thing...I just don't see the point in spending so much (because we KNOW the flower shops jack the price sky high on Valentines and Mother's Day) on something like that.  Not that those things aren't nice, but I would rather him show his gratitude for me in other ways.  Like going out of town for the day together, going antique shopping (stopping at every little dive joint on the side of the road to see what kind of good junk they have), 4-wheeler riding all day long, washing my truck for me, going on a run with me, putting some good tunes on the speakers and riding the back roads, sitting an watching the sunset while we laugh and talk about things.  Spending time with him is enough Valentine's for me! 

Happy Valentine's Day!!

Oh how I've missed the camera!

It's been a while since I picked my camera up and did much with it.  Most of the last 6 months of 2011, I spent running and training for the St. Jude Marathon.  And I just didn't have the energy to fool with my camera after running so much.  I have missed it so much though!!  I decided this past weekend that I was going to get out and take some shots of different things.  And yes, I know it was freezing down here in the "midsouth"!  Trust me...I know!!  But I still had to get out with the camera around my neck and see what I could find when I put the lens up to my eye.  Here are a couple things:

I found this old barn while I was out driving around.  I love old barns, buildings, and houses that look like they are about to fall apart.  I always think they have such a story to tell and I try to capture it in my image.

This is the same barn , but with very little adjusting done to it and from a different angle.

This is more what I started out doing.  I love to get shots of things folks normally wouldn't even think to give a second thought to.  I love things like this!!!

 I'm not much for trying to taking a sunset photo, but I thought I should.  I had nothing else going on and pulled up to the top of a hill on the bluff and spent about 30 minutes capturing the sun trying to hide from me.  After this, I think I will be taking more sunset photos.  It was a beautiful sight to watch!

Not much for the day, but at least I got out and accomplished the goal I had.  

My little TREASURE!

I have to say that I am the luckiest person!  I was so blessed to be a mom to the most loving little girl I know.  As I stated in an earlier post, I had been struggling with a "curve ball" for a couple weeks.  And as hard as I tried, sometimes...a lot of times...my focus was not on my daughter.  She had seen me crying on several occasions and would always ask me, "what's wrong, momma?".  To which I would reply that I was just sad, but that I would be okay.

Well, Sunday afternoon after church, I walked in my room to put something away and found this:

She had laid it up on my dresser knowing that I would be in there and see it.  She had seen me walk into my room and stood at the doorway until I saw the drawing.  She said that she knew I was sad and drew this to make me feel better!  What a wonderful surprise is that??  I couldn't ask for a better little girl as my daughter!!!  She thought not of herself, but of how sad her momma was and drew this for me!!  

I am one very proud momma!   

Struggling for the better!

It's amazing how life can sometimes throw one heck of a curve ball at you.  You know, one of those that comes from so far out of left field that you didn't see it coming.  Well, I had one of those curve balls thrown my way, but I sort of saw it coming.  I just didn't realize that it was going to hit so hard. 

I have been struggling with that curve ball for the last couple of weeks.  Well, actually a little longer, but more so the last couple weeks.  It was one of those curve balls that completely interrupts your daily routine.  It had me so far off course, that I couldn't hardly tell if it was daytime or nighttime.  I found myself not being able to focus on what I should have been focusing on because of the emotional pain I was going through. 

So, even though I hadn't been to church for a couple weeks, I decided that I needed to be there this past Sunday.  The church I attend is Non-Denominational and it's not a huge church.  There are probably a couple hundred people that attend and they are from all different nationalities.  But it's one of those churches, that you immediately feel comfortable when you walk through the door.  Actually, as soon as you pull in the parking lot because there are always people there to welcome you as you drive up with a smile and a wave 'Hello'.  I mean, come on...how many churches do that??  I have never been to one that does until this one!!  And they are out there whether it's raining, snowing, sun-shining or whatever else.  When you walk into the sanctuary, you are not overwhelmed with people coming at you trying to welcome you. And the music is modern and contemporary.  It's involving!!  

Anyhoo...the service this past Sunday was mainly focused on John 3:16.  About how if God was able to give His ONLY Son so that we may be forgiven for our sins, then we have to forgive ourselves and others.  That we cannot carry hurt against ourselves or others.  It was like an eye opener...one of many.  I walked away from that service still struggling with my issue at hand, but feeling a little better.  Before I had left that day, I had put in a prayer request through our attendance slips.  I had asked for strength and courage to get me through the week and to lift me up.  When I got home yesterday evening and feeling that I had really struggled with things that day, I had found this in my mailbox:

When I read that, I started crying so hard!!!  I cried for many reasons, but most of all, I cried because I was reassured that God was on my side!!  And that I had people praying for me!!  What an AMAZING feeling that is.  To know that people take time out of their busy schedule to pray for you.  And to hand write a letter of confirmation.  

Later in the evening, I was blessed even more.  I had been given an answer to my struggle.  That curve ball was finally gone!!  To be honest, I was actually expecting a completely different answer and thought I would struggle even longer, but it's amazing how God works!!  

I just want to close this post with an invitation to you!  If you are struggling, like I was, please know that God is there for you!!  And if you are looking for a church to belong to....well, look no further.  I am inviting you to my church:

The service is every Sunday morning at 10AM.  It's on Elmore Road in Southaven, MS.  Please feel free to join us in worship.  Pastor Greg and his wife Nancy are amazing.  Pastor Greg makes learning about the Bible fun and interesting.  

If you're not in the area or are unable to attend, but would still like to know what this church is all about, you can log onto the link below and listen in on the services.  You can also go back and listen in on past services through the Archive search.  

http://cornerstoneliving.org/

To listen, just click on the word "Media", and from there you can listen to a live stream on Sunday mornings or you can listen to past services by clicking on "Video Archive".  I promise you will be amazed!! 

What a skin cleansing system!!

Now, I'm usually not one to ever advertise for anyone, but I have to get this out there.  For most of my life, I have struggled in the acne department.  I mean, I was never just covered in them, but I've had my fair share of breakouts.  And who really likes for their skin to break out.  It tends to be more prone in teenagers, it seems than adults.  I can tell you, that in my teen years, I didn't really have too much of an issue with acne.  It was more in my adult years.  And it got worse after I had my daughter.  My system didn't seem to know how to accept the changes my body went through having her, and to be honest, sometimes it still can't.

About a year after giving birth, the skin on my face went completely haywire.  And I hadn't changed anything about how I was cleaning my face everyday.  I knew what worked and I stuck to it...only it wasn't working anymore.  So, I decided to try something different.  I went to Proactiv.  And it worked for about 2 years.  After that 2 years, it just seemed as though my skin completely rejected the Proactiv.

So, I suffered with it for about a couple years (when it was at it's absolute worse) and then decided that I needed to go to a dermatologist.  I don't like those folks because they poke and prod at your face.  And I cannot stand someone touching my face.  And I feel like they have these thoughts running through their minds like, "OMG!!  This girl's skin is horrible.  We're gonna have to pull out the big guns to fix this one...and just pray that it actually works!".  Well, after I went to see the dermatologist, I never imagined I would come away with a prescription for 6 different meds. From pills, to cream, to ointment.  And after getting them filled, the pharmacist told me that I couldn't get out in the sun...AT ALL!!!  I was like "are you kidding me.  I mean, are you kidding me?".  I got home with the bag filled to the brim with all sorts of medications for these mountains that had formed on my face.  As I stood there and looked at all of them sitting on my counter, I just kept focusing on the issue at hand....NO SUN!!  If you know me at all, then you know that being told I can't get out in the sun just does not sit well with me.  I am an outdoors person.  Always have been and always will be.  The doctor told me that I would need to be on the medication for at least 6 months.  6 LONG months and summertime was here!!  I began hyperventilating about it.  Then I said screw it, threw the meds up in my cabinet and never looked at them again (in fact, I should probably throw them out since it's been almost a year now).

I decided from there to try Skin I.D.  I figured, what did I have to lose.  I could use this (hoping it would work) and I could still be outside.  Well, after about 4 months of use, it still wasn't working...and not at all. That's when I came across this product one day while I was at Target called Neutrogena Naturals.

It claimed to be made of natural materials and be free of any harsh dyes, chemicals, etc.  I hadn't had much luck with Neutrogena before (remember...I did try the Skin I.D.), but I thought, what the heck.  Let's try it.  I used it for about a week and I did see a little bit of a difference.  Then while I was stocking up on a few items at my local Sam's Club, I came across this:

Olay Pro-X system.  I picked it up and looked at it for probably a good 5 minutes.  I kept thinking to myself that I've seen these kind of products before, but yet, they've always costs so much...well over $100.  Which is the prime reason as to why I would never buy such an item.  Except this one had a $32 price tag staring down at me.  I figured this, along with the Neutrogena Naturals, would probably help.  What did I have to lose, right?

Well, guess what folks!!!  It works!!  It really, really works!!  I wash my face every day with the Neutrogena Naturals first to remove the makeup and dirt from the day, then I use the Pro-X system.  And I'm completely amazed every single time at how much dirt and makeup is left behind that the Pro-X removes.  WOW!!!!  My skin is clear.  It's healthy.  My pores are clean!!  And I couldn't be happier!!  Even through all the other items I've used, my skin has never looked like it does with this!   

And I'm still using the same bottles (the naturals and pro-x).  I haven't bought any new yet and I've had them for about 3 months now.

If you try it and it doesn't work on you, then please don't get mad at me.  I'm just offering up what has helped me!!  I hope you have the same results!!

What is it about treadmills??

Ok, I've been a runner most of my life, in some form or fashion, I suppose.  Not so much in high school though.  The more my parents wanted me to do track, the more I didn't want to.  I actually think that's what got me into running now.  I just really started running a couple years ago (well...putting any kind of effort into it, anyways), and ever since, it's like an addiction.  I ran so much in 2011 that by the time the marathon was over, I thought both of my knees were going to crumble and I would end up being peg-legged.  Not that there's anything wrong with that, but you just can't run being peg-legged, right? 

Anyways, I'm usually always having to explain my obsession to the non-runners who just don't understand why I do it.  Well, here are a few reasons:

This is what I felt like after the Marathon!!!

This is SOOO true!!

I have done this many, many, many times!!  But wouldn't have it any other way!

This is my mind-set every single day!!

It took about a month after the Marathon for my body to forgive me, but I'm all good.

With all of the running I did last year, I didn't get to the gym much towards the end of the year.  After running, I was just too tired to even step foot in the gym.  So, this year I'm back at the gym.  Only problem...I cannot bring myself to run more than 2 miles on the treadmill.  UGH!!!  What is it about those things?  I get so, so bored....and fast!!!  I think it's the thing of running in one spot with the same sweaty folks as your scenery.  I don't have the roads, the hills (ok, I can do that on a treadmill, but I have no desire to), the trees, the sun, the dodging of cars, the diesel fumes, the being chased by the BIG pit-bulls and even the little yorkies (HEY!!! some of those little things are scary!!), the rain, the sun, the cold or hot temperatures, the kids that laugh as you run by, the whistles and snide comments from high schoolers (I've learned to not even hear those anymore), etc, etc.  All that keeps the run interesting.  Plus, I know that if I'm running outside and I reach my halfway mark, I have no choice but to run back because it would take way longer to walk it.  Not the same way on a treadmill.  I know I can stop anytime I want to on it. 

One of these, or those, days my brain will accept the treadmill, but until then, I'll just stick to strength training a the gym and leave my running to the roads.