Broken hearts...those are only for the weak, right? That's what I thought. I've always considered myself a strong person. I could pretty much overcome any kind of challenge that came my way. Well....except for this one.
YES folks! I have a broken heart!! And as much as I tell myself that it will get better, my brain knows that, but it's convincing my heart of that that's killing me. A few of my friends that have pretty recently experienced the same thing have been helpful in some of their words of advice. The ole'...keep yourself busy, don't call him, go date other people (I have absolutely no desire to do this), etc, etc.
Well, I stay pretty busy. I work, I'm a single mom, I work out a lot, I run a LOT, I'm biking now, I try to hang w/ friends as much as possible. But these are all things I did before the breakup. The only difference now is that I can't seem to get him off my mind.
You see...I wasn't looking to date anyone or even be in a relationship w/ anyone when we met. I was single, coming and going as I pleased, not having to check in w/ anyone, packing a bag and leaving town for the weekend on a whim if I wanted to. As long as I had my daughter, I told myself that I wasn't worried about "being" with anyone. I didn't need anyone else in my life as far as a relationship was concerned.
That was until he came along. For the first 6 or 7 months, it was just casually dating. We didn't commit to anything. Just got together when we could. Then, during a trip together out of town, we both decided to just be committed to each other. And obviously, that changed things between us. It took a little getting used to being in a relationship as neither of us had been in one in quite some time. We had to learn more about each other. And the longer we were together, the more I started to break down those walls and let him hold my heart.
Usually it's the woman that rushes in and says "I love you", but it was actually him that said it first. I was kind of hesitant to say it because those are really special words and I just don't throw them around. But in my heart, I knew it was right to say them back to him. The way I felt for him was like nothing I've ever felt for anyone else in my life. I didn't want to be with anyone else. I only had eyes for him!!!
...I'm not going to go into details (b/c I don't feel it's appropriate), but the 'downs' in our relationship seemed to occur more so than the 'ups'. And I don't really know why. I just know that for now, the 'downs' have won.
And this is why I'm broken-hearted. Every morning when I wake up, I tell myself that it's gonna be a better day. That today, I will be stronger than I was yesterday. That today, I will get through the day without shedding a tear over him. And some days, I do make it through the day ok, but for the most part, as much as I try to fight it, those tears work their way to the surface.
I know in my head that I will be fine, I just have to get my heart to believe that as well...
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